Air Tchaikovsky

Most people think we start our season on Opening Night, hence the name "Opening Night." But in fact, like sports teams, we also have quite a pre-season slew of events happen BEFORE Opening Night. We consider them "friendly matches" as well, a way to warm up into the routine and intensity of the season.

This week, literally taking my sports metaphor onto the playing field, we "played" at a Texans pre-season game against the Tampa Buckaneers (yarrgh! avast!). I say "played" because at halftime, we all trooped out onto the field (on the carefully assigned path, if there's one thing professional sports teams do NOT want you doing is messing up their turf, be it astro- or otherwise) in our concert blacks (appropriate football gear, dontcha think?) and proceeded to "play" the last movement of Tchaikovsky's Fourth Symphony. But as any rodeo-goer who has heard a concert in the Reliant Stadium can tell you, you can't "hear" a "concert" in the Reliant Stadium. It is, to put it in technical terms, follow me closely here, A F-R-I-G-G-I-N-' M-E-S-S. A noise soup. An indistinguishable slop-bucket of sound. You see, in such a cavernous space, there is something like a 3 minute reverb, and every different part of the stadium hears at different times yet also all at once.

Even with all modern technology has to offer, the best we can do is take a pre-recorded snippet of music (Tchaikovsky) and then do what legions of Guitar Hero fans have been doing for years before the gaming instrument of their salvation was invented- air viola. Or air trumpet, or air snare drum. You get the idea. But therein lies the rub- it turns out professional musicians really CAN'T air-play. It's really hard!

So there we were, in our concert blacks, trying not to let our heels and endpins mar the turf, trying to look like we WERE playing for the fans and cameras, in accompaniment to music that once we HAD played, but without making a sound. Some instruments just simply cannot do this, and every now and then the aurally restrained music coming out in real time would TOTALLY clash with what we were kind of hearing (you still have to keep in mind the reverb, even with amplified assist) out of the speakers. That is the worst kind of nails-on-chalkboard kind of thing to professional musicians, so then you had everyone trying to compensate not only to each other but also the recorded sound, end result= cacophony.

Well, at least to us on the field. But to the people in the stands, I think all they heard (in a beery sort of way) was that there was a REALLY COOL piece being played by an ACTUAL SYMPHONY during halftime at a football game. I like to think the ring of cacophony ended a foot outside our circle, letting the fans hear only the intended music. There were high-fives and cheers all around as we left the field, a hero's reception. Just like a scene from Friday Night Lights.

I'd do it again. Anything that de-mystifies "scary" classical music to the people is fine by me. Only next time, I gotta practice my air-Tchaikovsky.